|ˈfyo͝orē|

partial-selfie

Can one be furious, and still write? I don’t know… so I thought I’d try… I won’t tell you why I’m furious, you folks know all about fury, and can surely share some of your own challenges. I can’t write when I’m in a rage, I can’t do anything but rage. I’ve heard people say that sometimes, the most spiritual thing I did today was to make my bed, and tidy up the apartment a bit before leaving the house. Buddhists will suggest to “Chop wood, and carry water”.  So instead, I thought I’d try writing; I’ve started this blog to improve my writing, my thinking, and (wink wink!): to get your attention. In the Zen Buddhist tradition, some people say that the quality of your “practice” is defined by your ability, or willingness to practice during the most unacceptable  states of mind… Fury would qualify, innit?

I’m a musician; I play guitar, and the 5-String banjo. When I’m working on a phrase, or a lick, I can’t succeed with the motto, “I will now play as good as Mike Seeger….” I succeed when I pick up the banjo, and tune it up, take a breath, and start playing. I succeed when I stop, and notice that I’m playing a new phrase too swiftly, and that it’s good to try playing it say, half as fast. Surrendering to the process isn’t quite the most accurate word I’d use. But when I can move into the little steps mode, I know I’ll have a better chance of doing something other than grinding my teeth, or frowning like some horrible Japanese theatrical character. Part of the attraction to being furious is being right; or more precisely, wanting to be right… and that’s an awful burden…but when my eyeballs are popping out of my head from too much adrenaline, it’s pretty hard to see that… (note: Instead of doing something regrettable, or shameful- that is to say, I haven’t smashed anything, or sent off a nasty email- I’ve, so far, put 323 words down on “paper”… success!).

 

So yes, I can’t write when I’m in |ˈfyo͝orē|. All I can do is write. But when I’m writing, I’m much better off than grinding my teeth…

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